The Five Words Story, 2010
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campsparkleTitle: I'm on a Horse
Well, why the heck not?
Lightning flashed across the sky, and Brian looked up, wondering what had become of AJ and his pliant, enormous wand. On nights like this, angels like Nick literally bowled(1) with laughter. Sadistic asses. Brian, lovesick puppy that he was, just couldn't keep his mind off of AJ. Ever since AJ had taken his wand and hidden it in the Forbidden Forest, Brian had worried that his Patronus charm wouldn't glow in the dark anymore.
The storm raged on. Despondent, Kevin pulled the stick out of the box where he kept it for special emergencies. It was pink and sparkly. He had "borrowed" it from that loopy Ravenclaw, JC, who'd been busy flirting with Lance. Kevin and Brian were casting a naked spell on AJ. This was always good value, since AJ always took full advantage of his newly freed state.
However, this time, they didn't see JC hiding in the shower, the spell backfired because the two of them forgot the sage.
"Meow," JC meowed.
"Drone, drone," Kevin said, drawing out his own sparkly wand to compare with JC's. JC mewed pitifully, his wand was a good inch shorter. JC's wand was usually the prettiest of the bunch, sparkly with a peacock feather core.
Grasping his wand, JC summoned Lance, but got Chris instead.
"OMG!"(2) Chris exclaimed. "You have fur! Atchoo!"
"Mew!" JC announced, and licked his own balls.
*brightflash*
Human, furless JC coughed and licked his balls again.
"Man, fantastically bendy!" Chris grinned. He could think of uses for JC's balls and bendyness. But first he needed Kevin to stop being so upgebuggered. That stick must be removed.
Fortunately, Lance came with lube. "I'm in love with you," he yelled at Kevin, lube at the ready. "Ravish me!"
"No!" Kevin cried. "You're not Chris, my one and only! We're eldest and most mature! Away, green-eyed tempter, and fetch the Kirkpatrick!"
Chris was reluctant, but Lance threatened to spear the nearest house-elf if Kevin kept his stick installed and dipped in very hot salsa.
"Promise?" Chris asked hopefully, grinning, uncaring which Southern bass he seduced with his awesome ass.
"What about me?" AJ said, looking at Brian, who ignored everybody, as he was busy emptying the salsa jar.
Meanwhile, Trevor from O-Town was fucking drunk and hanging out with Jane Carter in hell. Randomly(3), the devil offered him freedom if he seduced the evil curse out of JC by noon.
This was impossible. Sadly, all of O-Town remained condemned.
At Hogwarts, nobody cared.
Brian's Patronus refused to do anything to Brian. Brian was sad.
"You need a boggart(4)," JC said, and blew AJ's hard pencil shavings off his naked shoulder.
"I like when you blow hard against me, JC," AJ murmured, and soon they were happily making out.
"What will Howie and Joey do?" JC said. AJ thought about it and felt guilty.
"We should ask them to join our happy little family. Joey would want to arrange a coup d'état with Chris in the Room of Requirement."
Brian approved this plan. He brandished his trusty trout before him but Trevor thwarted his plan by dying horribly. "Crap." Brian looked horrified. "This will ruin my outfit for the prom on Saturday. So much blood." Luckily, Nick had a plan. Unluckily... Nick had a plan.
"What if we used Trevor's body, spelling the blood back!!!"
Just then, the trout spoke. "Wait! Trevor is coming back!"
In fear, they all disapparated, and emerged—surprised—in Atlantis. Hastily transmogrifying into sea creatures, they set off to explore. Soon, they met a large shark.
The shark smiled broadly. He said, "Isn't that something?"
"You look familiar," JC said.
"Ding!" Nick said, belatedly, then the shark rolled his eyes.
JC snapped his fingers. "Dude! You've got Lance's eyes!"
The shark glared at him. "Are you slow or something?"
"Well, I mean, you know..." JC poked the shark in the eye, repeating himself, more slowly, "You've got..."
"I AM Lance, let me prove it." He rolled over to flash his nosejob.
"Ohh," JC said. "Amazeballs."
"Whatever, you're currently a squid."
"Not a squid, an octopus!"
"Look at me!" Brian said, waving several tentacles.
Chris squealed. "Brian-squid! Squid have more tentacles!"
JC looked curious. "Oh."
A flash of light teleported them all, in human form, back to Hogwards where Voldemort had recently been defeated. Everything was happy and joyful until Chris realised that Brian was hiding a blow-hole with his giant testicles. Chris leaped forward and dislodged them. Score! He juggled them for a while.
"I'm married," Brian said, and indicated Howie, "and Howie's not gay. No, really. Not kidding."
"Bullshit." Chris couldn't stop laughing.
AJ just stood in the middle, licking Brian's testicles. Chris wanted to lick Brian's testicles too. Threesomes were fun. Yay!
Suddenly, Lance produced his wand. "Shut up, all of you!"
Kevin fell down on his knees in anguish. "Why? Why?"
Nick, an angel of the Lord, patted Kevin's heat patronisingly. "I'm so proud of you," he said, while fondling Brian's ears. "Come into the light. Feel God's touch."
"Bad touch!"
Angel Nick frowned at Chris. "Where did JC go? Did you forget to tie him to the wall so that he woudn't fall down the ladder into Hell?"
"Fuck," Chris moaned. Nick laughed!!! Not so angelic after all. "What are we going to do to get him back?"
"Let's think," Justin said, crouching. "Yo, Cas, we need help." Nothing happened.
"Who?" Chris said. Joey smiled to himself, leaning down to touch his toes. "SURPRISE!" Chris yelled, and proceeded to jump out of Hell. Yellow-eyed Kevin laughed, Justin cried because Hell still had JC!
JC ate caviare in Hell. He really didn't like it. No surprise there!! Angel!Nick gripped JC tight and raised him from perdition (and caviare too). "I've got plans for you, beautiful. Bring me all your underwear."
Everyone went to LA. AJ paced around his room gathering his supplies. Unfortunately, the orange thong was in the roadhouse. Woe!! Angel!Nick decided that pink panties would do instead, and produced some from his heavenly hammerspace. AJ was unimpressed. "Pink panties,"! Angel!Nick roared. "Stupid cupid."
"How did you know?"
"What is even going on?" Brian asked. "What about Hogwarts?"
"Voldemort levelled it," Nick answered. "We can't go back there. But that's all right, because there is a much better place. A far, far better place called Poundland."
"Poundland?" AJ raised both his eyebrows and his left foot.
Brian flared his nostrils, suddenly furious. "Never mind Poundland!"
"What's your problem?" AJ asked. Angel!Nick kissed Brian, shutting the door with his mind.
"Well," JC said, "we're alone except for the badgers in—"
"Ow!" AJ screamed.
"...my pants are down, Angel!Nick!" Brian shouted, as JC chased the badgers away from AJ's bare ass. Chris cleverly served salty margaritas and everyone got really drunk.
"Drunken orgy time!" Joey yelled, downing two more margaritas. "Where did we put the lube?"
The badger has the lube! He's applying it to Justin.(4a)
"Okay, put the drugs DOWN!"
"No! I'm busy with the badger," Justin moaned happily. Chris(5) was watching avidly, his pants down around his ankles, hand on the badger's furry body. He groaned in anticipation, watching angel!Nick's pulsating staff plunging into hidden depths of AJ's dusky inner sanctum.
Kevin turned into a fox and climbed out of hell, staring lustily at the badger as he growled: "Ashley! It's been too long!"
Ashley hissed, clawing into Justin's thigh. "It's Ashley Parker Angel," he said, and dropped dead.(6) The badger ate his body. Then, satisfied, it lumbered away.(7)
Meanwhile Joey was yelling because Howie and Lance had arrived despite the stupid ash cloud. "Omg(2)!" he yelled quite happily, glomping onto Lance and ignoring the approaching doom.
Brian was still naked, hanging onto Angel!Nick, paw quivering on the "gearstick" (or "erect penis"(12)). Angel!Nick gasped out a cry of ecstasy, coming in rainbows and sparkles.
"I'm not gay," Howie said. "I've a wife and child! It is a secret, though."
"Nobody cares so long as you suck like a pro."
In the bunker, Lou Pearlman screamed in pain as Brian basked in Angel!Nick's orgasmic afterglow. Pearlman had been plotting to marry Howie, but recent events had led him to reconsider.
"I'm not gay," Howie repeated, trying to save himself from Lou's savage clutches of fiery doom.
"Yeah, yeah," Lance said, grabbing two luscious handfuls of Howie's ass and winking. He could hire an assassin to end Lou. Howie was his!
Seeking reconciliation, Jesse assassinated Lou. The world went, "Yay!" Howie snarled and ran at Jesse, who picked him up and gave him a handjob. "Everyone, grab a shovel and bury Lou so he's never found again." Howie came as Jesse's hologram dissolved with a bon-bon-chicka-bon-bon.
"Oh," said Lance, disappointed. "That did not go to plan."
"Never mind the plan," JC said. "You should kiss me!" So Lance kissed JC and then dropped to one knee for a quick blowjob as Chris peeled Justin's clothes off.
"Omg(2), it's Justin Timberlake!" shrieked Kevin, now in human form (with bonus horns and tail). "My candle is right here!" Angel!Nick quickly fled with Brian on a horse, before Kevin could set Steed's tail aflame. "Why does everybody hate me?" Kevin mourned.
"Maybe because you have amazingly scary demonic eyebrows!" said Justin. Kevin wept, then set Lou's grave on fire.
Meanwhile, with Angel!Nick and Brian much fun was had, naked croquet was just that exciting.
Meanwhile, Justin was comforting Kevin with the candle. Inevitably, the flame lit their bizarre eyebrows, the resulting light revealing a concatenation of caterpillary creatures convulsing coitally, covered in clotted cream. AJ grabbed JC from Lance's grip; JC escaped and ran off, straight to Chris, desperate to escape from this story—really, who could blame him?
"Don't leave me! Please don't go, please don't gooooooooooo(13). I just wanna get away!" JC leapt for the nearest exit—fast. Chris followed him with the sad remains of burnt eyebrows. Shortly, a jetplane was heard. JC, Chris—plus eyebrows—boarded and zoomed into the sky, their sanity barely intact.
Meanwhile(14), AJ put his socks on, shielding hie eyes from Angel!Nick, who was busy saving Brian by giving him a blowjob. Suffused with diving grace, Brian moaned in holy ecstasy. "Praise the Lord!" he shouted, and promptly ejaculated on Angel!Nick's wings. Undeterred by this, Angel!Nick swept Brian off to heaven.
Elsewhere(15), Justin soothed his missing eyebrows, serenading them, crying a river, bottom lip quivering with woe. However, he overcame his grief, and contracted senortia from a gleeful Joey. "Leave me alone. I don't even understand anything. I'm leaving now." He did. Howie met him outside; they ran away and got married. (The badger(16) was best man.)
Nked—apart from socks—AJ dashed outside and caught a passing donkey. He jumped astride and galloped carefully away. Then a pink limo arrived. The angry driver got out and pointed at Justin(17). "You peed on my disco floor!"
Red-faced, Justin backed away. Lance snuck up and hit Justin hard, slinging him over his shoulder and bundling him into the limo for sexy-good-tiems. "We'll pay for the damages!" Half-conscious, Justin raised his thumb. "Let's go!" Lance said, slamming the door. They squealed away.
Kevin leapt from a window, landing on the limo roof. "Tallyho!" he cried, as the limo sped away towards salvation.
Meanwhile, the house burned down.(18)
THE END, AT LONG LAST
Footnotes
(1) It is possible that your faithful amanuensis misread this.
(2) Pronounced "omg"
(3) In case you imagined otherwise
(4) A word sadly misinterpreted, or at least mispronounced, during the official reading of this story. Hmm.
(4a) (Okay, your faithful amanuensis missed one. Sue me.) Unexpected tense change is unexpected.
(5) Pairing names: Timkirkadger/Judger—Justin/Chris/badger or Justin/Badger)
(6) Puzzled reader is puzzled—who says this?
(7) Ashley Parker Angel the badger ate HIMSELF and lumbered away satisfied? Problematic sentence is problematic.(8)
(8) I(9) keep telling people, KEVIN is the one who dropped dead.(10)
(9) ?
(10) No, Justin died, the badger lives!(11)
(11) APA DIED! Everyone else is fine! (NB Your faithful amanuensis accepts no responsibility for the content of these footnotes.)
(12) A phrase plainly inserted in the expectation that your faithful amanuensis would be podficcing this. Hah.
(13) Long passionate sustained note, please.
(14) Hmm. Your faithful amanuensis is of the opinion there should be a ding-meter for Meanwhiles.
(15) which makes a nice change
(16) Definitely not dead, then.
(17) Wait. Didn't he leave? Oh, never mind.
(18) Phew.
Well, why the heck not?
Lightning flashed across the sky, and Brian looked up, wondering what had become of AJ and his pliant, enormous wand. On nights like this, angels like Nick literally bowled(1) with laughter. Sadistic asses. Brian, lovesick puppy that he was, just couldn't keep his mind off of AJ. Ever since AJ had taken his wand and hidden it in the Forbidden Forest, Brian had worried that his Patronus charm wouldn't glow in the dark anymore.
The storm raged on. Despondent, Kevin pulled the stick out of the box where he kept it for special emergencies. It was pink and sparkly. He had "borrowed" it from that loopy Ravenclaw, JC, who'd been busy flirting with Lance. Kevin and Brian were casting a naked spell on AJ. This was always good value, since AJ always took full advantage of his newly freed state.
However, this time, they didn't see JC hiding in the shower, the spell backfired because the two of them forgot the sage.
"Meow," JC meowed.
"Drone, drone," Kevin said, drawing out his own sparkly wand to compare with JC's. JC mewed pitifully, his wand was a good inch shorter. JC's wand was usually the prettiest of the bunch, sparkly with a peacock feather core.
Grasping his wand, JC summoned Lance, but got Chris instead.
"OMG!"(2) Chris exclaimed. "You have fur! Atchoo!"
"Mew!" JC announced, and licked his own balls.
*brightflash*
Human, furless JC coughed and licked his balls again.
"Man, fantastically bendy!" Chris grinned. He could think of uses for JC's balls and bendyness. But first he needed Kevin to stop being so upgebuggered. That stick must be removed.
Fortunately, Lance came with lube. "I'm in love with you," he yelled at Kevin, lube at the ready. "Ravish me!"
"No!" Kevin cried. "You're not Chris, my one and only! We're eldest and most mature! Away, green-eyed tempter, and fetch the Kirkpatrick!"
Chris was reluctant, but Lance threatened to spear the nearest house-elf if Kevin kept his stick installed and dipped in very hot salsa.
"Promise?" Chris asked hopefully, grinning, uncaring which Southern bass he seduced with his awesome ass.
"What about me?" AJ said, looking at Brian, who ignored everybody, as he was busy emptying the salsa jar.
Meanwhile, Trevor from O-Town was fucking drunk and hanging out with Jane Carter in hell. Randomly(3), the devil offered him freedom if he seduced the evil curse out of JC by noon.
This was impossible. Sadly, all of O-Town remained condemned.
At Hogwarts, nobody cared.
Brian's Patronus refused to do anything to Brian. Brian was sad.
"You need a boggart(4)," JC said, and blew AJ's hard pencil shavings off his naked shoulder.
"I like when you blow hard against me, JC," AJ murmured, and soon they were happily making out.
"What will Howie and Joey do?" JC said. AJ thought about it and felt guilty.
"We should ask them to join our happy little family. Joey would want to arrange a coup d'état with Chris in the Room of Requirement."
Brian approved this plan. He brandished his trusty trout before him but Trevor thwarted his plan by dying horribly. "Crap." Brian looked horrified. "This will ruin my outfit for the prom on Saturday. So much blood." Luckily, Nick had a plan. Unluckily... Nick had a plan.
"What if we used Trevor's body, spelling the blood back!!!"
Just then, the trout spoke. "Wait! Trevor is coming back!"
In fear, they all disapparated, and emerged—surprised—in Atlantis. Hastily transmogrifying into sea creatures, they set off to explore. Soon, they met a large shark.
The shark smiled broadly. He said, "Isn't that something?"
"You look familiar," JC said.
"Ding!" Nick said, belatedly, then the shark rolled his eyes.
JC snapped his fingers. "Dude! You've got Lance's eyes!"
The shark glared at him. "Are you slow or something?"
"Well, I mean, you know..." JC poked the shark in the eye, repeating himself, more slowly, "You've got..."
"I AM Lance, let me prove it." He rolled over to flash his nosejob.
"Ohh," JC said. "Amazeballs."
"Whatever, you're currently a squid."
"Not a squid, an octopus!"
"Look at me!" Brian said, waving several tentacles.
Chris squealed. "Brian-squid! Squid have more tentacles!"
JC looked curious. "Oh."
A flash of light teleported them all, in human form, back to Hogwards where Voldemort had recently been defeated. Everything was happy and joyful until Chris realised that Brian was hiding a blow-hole with his giant testicles. Chris leaped forward and dislodged them. Score! He juggled them for a while.
"I'm married," Brian said, and indicated Howie, "and Howie's not gay. No, really. Not kidding."
"Bullshit." Chris couldn't stop laughing.
AJ just stood in the middle, licking Brian's testicles. Chris wanted to lick Brian's testicles too. Threesomes were fun. Yay!
Suddenly, Lance produced his wand. "Shut up, all of you!"
Kevin fell down on his knees in anguish. "Why? Why?"
Nick, an angel of the Lord, patted Kevin's heat patronisingly. "I'm so proud of you," he said, while fondling Brian's ears. "Come into the light. Feel God's touch."
"Bad touch!"
Angel Nick frowned at Chris. "Where did JC go? Did you forget to tie him to the wall so that he woudn't fall down the ladder into Hell?"
"Fuck," Chris moaned. Nick laughed!!! Not so angelic after all. "What are we going to do to get him back?"
"Let's think," Justin said, crouching. "Yo, Cas, we need help." Nothing happened.
"Who?" Chris said. Joey smiled to himself, leaning down to touch his toes. "SURPRISE!" Chris yelled, and proceeded to jump out of Hell. Yellow-eyed Kevin laughed, Justin cried because Hell still had JC!
JC ate caviare in Hell. He really didn't like it. No surprise there!! Angel!Nick gripped JC tight and raised him from perdition (and caviare too). "I've got plans for you, beautiful. Bring me all your underwear."
Everyone went to LA. AJ paced around his room gathering his supplies. Unfortunately, the orange thong was in the roadhouse. Woe!! Angel!Nick decided that pink panties would do instead, and produced some from his heavenly hammerspace. AJ was unimpressed. "Pink panties,"! Angel!Nick roared. "Stupid cupid."
"How did you know?"
"What is even going on?" Brian asked. "What about Hogwarts?"
"Voldemort levelled it," Nick answered. "We can't go back there. But that's all right, because there is a much better place. A far, far better place called Poundland."
"Poundland?" AJ raised both his eyebrows and his left foot.
Brian flared his nostrils, suddenly furious. "Never mind Poundland!"
"What's your problem?" AJ asked. Angel!Nick kissed Brian, shutting the door with his mind.
"Well," JC said, "we're alone except for the badgers in—"
"Ow!" AJ screamed.
"...my pants are down, Angel!Nick!" Brian shouted, as JC chased the badgers away from AJ's bare ass. Chris cleverly served salty margaritas and everyone got really drunk.
"Drunken orgy time!" Joey yelled, downing two more margaritas. "Where did we put the lube?"
The badger has the lube! He's applying it to Justin.(4a)
"Okay, put the drugs DOWN!"
"No! I'm busy with the badger," Justin moaned happily. Chris(5) was watching avidly, his pants down around his ankles, hand on the badger's furry body. He groaned in anticipation, watching angel!Nick's pulsating staff plunging into hidden depths of AJ's dusky inner sanctum.
Kevin turned into a fox and climbed out of hell, staring lustily at the badger as he growled: "Ashley! It's been too long!"
Ashley hissed, clawing into Justin's thigh. "It's Ashley Parker Angel," he said, and dropped dead.(6) The badger ate his body. Then, satisfied, it lumbered away.(7)
Meanwhile Joey was yelling because Howie and Lance had arrived despite the stupid ash cloud. "Omg(2)!" he yelled quite happily, glomping onto Lance and ignoring the approaching doom.
Brian was still naked, hanging onto Angel!Nick, paw quivering on the "gearstick" (or "erect penis"(12)). Angel!Nick gasped out a cry of ecstasy, coming in rainbows and sparkles.
"I'm not gay," Howie said. "I've a wife and child! It is a secret, though."
"Nobody cares so long as you suck like a pro."
In the bunker, Lou Pearlman screamed in pain as Brian basked in Angel!Nick's orgasmic afterglow. Pearlman had been plotting to marry Howie, but recent events had led him to reconsider.
"I'm not gay," Howie repeated, trying to save himself from Lou's savage clutches of fiery doom.
"Yeah, yeah," Lance said, grabbing two luscious handfuls of Howie's ass and winking. He could hire an assassin to end Lou. Howie was his!
Seeking reconciliation, Jesse assassinated Lou. The world went, "Yay!" Howie snarled and ran at Jesse, who picked him up and gave him a handjob. "Everyone, grab a shovel and bury Lou so he's never found again." Howie came as Jesse's hologram dissolved with a bon-bon-chicka-bon-bon.
"Oh," said Lance, disappointed. "That did not go to plan."
"Never mind the plan," JC said. "You should kiss me!" So Lance kissed JC and then dropped to one knee for a quick blowjob as Chris peeled Justin's clothes off.
"Omg(2), it's Justin Timberlake!" shrieked Kevin, now in human form (with bonus horns and tail). "My candle is right here!" Angel!Nick quickly fled with Brian on a horse, before Kevin could set Steed's tail aflame. "Why does everybody hate me?" Kevin mourned.
"Maybe because you have amazingly scary demonic eyebrows!" said Justin. Kevin wept, then set Lou's grave on fire.
Meanwhile, with Angel!Nick and Brian much fun was had, naked croquet was just that exciting.
Meanwhile, Justin was comforting Kevin with the candle. Inevitably, the flame lit their bizarre eyebrows, the resulting light revealing a concatenation of caterpillary creatures convulsing coitally, covered in clotted cream. AJ grabbed JC from Lance's grip; JC escaped and ran off, straight to Chris, desperate to escape from this story—really, who could blame him?
"Don't leave me! Please don't go, please don't gooooooooooo(13). I just wanna get away!" JC leapt for the nearest exit—fast. Chris followed him with the sad remains of burnt eyebrows. Shortly, a jetplane was heard. JC, Chris—plus eyebrows—boarded and zoomed into the sky, their sanity barely intact.
Meanwhile(14), AJ put his socks on, shielding hie eyes from Angel!Nick, who was busy saving Brian by giving him a blowjob. Suffused with diving grace, Brian moaned in holy ecstasy. "Praise the Lord!" he shouted, and promptly ejaculated on Angel!Nick's wings. Undeterred by this, Angel!Nick swept Brian off to heaven.
Elsewhere(15), Justin soothed his missing eyebrows, serenading them, crying a river, bottom lip quivering with woe. However, he overcame his grief, and contracted senortia from a gleeful Joey. "Leave me alone. I don't even understand anything. I'm leaving now." He did. Howie met him outside; they ran away and got married. (The badger(16) was best man.)
Nked—apart from socks—AJ dashed outside and caught a passing donkey. He jumped astride and galloped carefully away. Then a pink limo arrived. The angry driver got out and pointed at Justin(17). "You peed on my disco floor!"
Red-faced, Justin backed away. Lance snuck up and hit Justin hard, slinging him over his shoulder and bundling him into the limo for sexy-good-tiems. "We'll pay for the damages!" Half-conscious, Justin raised his thumb. "Let's go!" Lance said, slamming the door. They squealed away.
Kevin leapt from a window, landing on the limo roof. "Tallyho!" he cried, as the limo sped away towards salvation.
Meanwhile, the house burned down.(18)
THE END, AT LONG LAST
Footnotes
(1) It is possible that your faithful amanuensis misread this.
(2) Pronounced "omg"
(3) In case you imagined otherwise
(4) A word sadly misinterpreted, or at least mispronounced, during the official reading of this story. Hmm.
(4a) (Okay, your faithful amanuensis missed one. Sue me.) Unexpected tense change is unexpected.
(5) Pairing names: Timkirkadger/Judger—Justin/Chris/badger or Justin/Badger)
(6) Puzzled reader is puzzled—who says this?
(7) Ashley Parker Angel the badger ate HIMSELF and lumbered away satisfied? Problematic sentence is problematic.(8)
(8) I(9) keep telling people, KEVIN is the one who dropped dead.(10)
(9) ?
(10) No, Justin died, the badger lives!(11)
(11) APA DIED! Everyone else is fine! (NB Your faithful amanuensis accepts no responsibility for the content of these footnotes.)
(12) A phrase plainly inserted in the expectation that your faithful amanuensis would be podficcing this. Hah.
(13) Long passionate sustained note, please.
(14) Hmm. Your faithful amanuensis is of the opinion there should be a ding-meter for Meanwhiles.
(15) which makes a nice change
(16) Definitely not dead, then.
(17) Wait. Didn't he leave? Oh, never mind.
(18) Phew.
