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ninjetti75, who asked for it.
There once was an ugly boybander, who lived in a barn in the west of Orlando, where boybands come from.
"Woe is me," cried the boybander. "My eyebrows are so lush and squamous that they should be on display at She Said(1), but instead i was forced by my friends to shave them off and now they're off to start their very own exotic dance troupe. They also fight crime."
Monologue over, the desolate boybander put on a mysterious cape and dashed off into the darkness—that actually wasn't quite so dark. The moon was shining brightly, like Howie's teeth, and by its light he danced his way down a staircase.
"Help me, Browless Boybander!" cried a desperate voice. "I am stuck up here in my terrible movie career, and it's because of my eyebrows."
"Oh, no!" Kevin leaped to the rescue. But he couldn't save Justin's career. No-one could. "I could use a sidekick in this protecting the unprotected biazznezz," said the wingless wonder, flipping his cape dramatically and flying into the sunset. The hapless Timberlake, unwilling to take advice other than his mother's, knew that side-kicking was not the best path to great fame and fortune, and therefore decided against it.
Meanwhile, Lance, the evil overlord, plotted to sabotage the Browless Boybander by ESPN(2). The plan was complicated, involving vodka, an octopus, and five kinds of baby oil. Mixing everything together, Lance took the perfect delivery device: Nick!(3)
"It's so squamous!" Nick cried.
"Hush! You know your mission. Capture Kevin's eyebrows and deliver them to Lou Pearlman's office."
"That seems kind of harsh..?"
"Also, that word doesn't mean what you think it means."
Nick squirmed. "Can I go see Brian first for reasons?"
"What reasons?"
"Baby oil testing?"
"No. Drink this." Lance poured Nick a disgusting concoction and added a twist of lime. It bubbled ominously and Nick chugged it anyway.
"Delicious! Can I go see Brian now?"
Lance sighed. "Very well, provided you save some baby oil. Those eyebrows deserve to shine!"
"Yay!" Nick said, skipping away.
Meanwhile, Brian knew nothing, and was very surprised to see the octopus in his bedroom. He did enjoy sushi, though, he cooked sushi rice for Nick, distracted from his mission. Of course, it does not seem very smart to eat a random octopus, but Brian wasn't always the smartest crayon(4), but pretty does not need brains, as Howie often told himself, fondly fondling(4) his new hairbrush and ministering to his fellow boybanders.
Meanwhile, in Africa, Chris glared accusingly at the lion Joey wanted to adopt. Lion glared back, hungrily, licking its balls. Chris felt intimidated by the size of its open jaws as it yawned lazily and cuddled closer to JC.(5)
"He's had his shots," JC murmured into Chris's ear.
"So he won't eat us?"
"He might. Or just lick your lips seductively, like this." JC leaned in and licked Chris, who licked back enthusiastically, prying JC away from his lips, and pushed him down onto all fours. "Go, lion!"(6)
The lion side-eyed Chris and took off, having had enough of this unspeakable perversion. Joey, equally unnerved, decided to reassert his manliness. He took off his clothes, because why not be naked in the wilderness?
"Nothing I haven't seen before," said Justin, twirling his mustache. Joey disliked having his mustache molested so he told Justin to grow his own.
"Boo, Sugar Pie Honey Bunch," said Chris and started to tickle JC—well, he tried to, but Joey's nakedness distracted him. As did the lion, who was now licking Joey's balls.
Meanwhile(7), Brian felt sick, and Nick did his best to call for the Browless Boybander and his magic white potion. BB™ was lost to his band, distracted by his search for those elusive missing eyebrows. "Eyebrows assemble!" he yelled ultimately.
Far, far away he heard the echo of his call and leapt into action wildly, flapping his cape. Behind him, Lance tracked his progress on the satellite linked BrowCam screen, waiting for his plan to work. Out of some bushes, smiling evilly, rose a dark Knight with a flaming sword. Usher would have his revenge.
"Look out, BB!" Lance said into the BrowPhone. "Behind you!"
Startled by the BrowPhone, Kevin spun around, throwing up his BrowShield and fine-toothed BrowComb to deflect Usher's attack.
"Foiled again!" Thwarted, Usher vanished. Kevin instantly got back on the BrowPhone.
"Lance! How long until Brian's potionlessness causes permanent brain damage?!"
"Don't worry about Brian! I think Nick is trying to lead hinm towards the eel tank for nefarious purposes. He will be fine there."
"Are we having eel pie?"
"Not pie, no." Lance sighed.
"Where are my fucking eyebrows, I have important superhero biazzness to attend to," Brian(8) snapped.
"Superheroes don't have eyebrows, you dildo!" Kevin ejaculated, quite annoyed. "Just man up and fly."
"I HATE flying! I'll take the bus instead."
"Focus! Eels are the best way to get someone into smoking Saint."
"That shit'll fuck you up!"
"Everybody says that, but really, do boybanders need brain cells?"
"Well, NO, but that's—wait, where did Lance go?"
"To stop crime, I guess," he(9) said to his sidekick, Bro(10), who wielded his weapon, Creepy!Doll, that there were hot dudes to, like, fuck, and shit.
"I hope not Trevor, though," said Lanth, out of nowhere.
"Where did you come from?" asked the taller brunette man(11).
"If you stand around twitching…"
"I'm a superhero. It's what we do."
The green-eyed blond sent a withering glare in Bro's direction. Kevin, still looking at the BrowCom, suddenly exclaimed, "Oh, look, that must be my brows, Bro! To the Browmobile!" With a swirl of his shiny, sparkly cloak, he spun away to finally be carried into the night by Bro, his sidekick and bro…
The white potion AJ brought direct to to Brian from Dante's Cove restored Brian's lifeforce, and started(12) to sing "I'm dying NO MOOORE!" Everyone rejoiced and had sex. Finally.
The End
NB To be continued… in 2014
ninjetti75, who asked for it.There once was an ugly boybander, who lived in a barn in the west of Orlando, where boybands come from.
"Woe is me," cried the boybander. "My eyebrows are so lush and squamous that they should be on display at She Said(1), but instead i was forced by my friends to shave them off and now they're off to start their very own exotic dance troupe. They also fight crime."
Monologue over, the desolate boybander put on a mysterious cape and dashed off into the darkness—that actually wasn't quite so dark. The moon was shining brightly, like Howie's teeth, and by its light he danced his way down a staircase.
"Help me, Browless Boybander!" cried a desperate voice. "I am stuck up here in my terrible movie career, and it's because of my eyebrows."
"Oh, no!" Kevin leaped to the rescue. But he couldn't save Justin's career. No-one could. "I could use a sidekick in this protecting the unprotected biazznezz," said the wingless wonder, flipping his cape dramatically and flying into the sunset. The hapless Timberlake, unwilling to take advice other than his mother's, knew that side-kicking was not the best path to great fame and fortune, and therefore decided against it.
Meanwhile, Lance, the evil overlord, plotted to sabotage the Browless Boybander by ESPN(2). The plan was complicated, involving vodka, an octopus, and five kinds of baby oil. Mixing everything together, Lance took the perfect delivery device: Nick!(3)
"It's so squamous!" Nick cried.
"Hush! You know your mission. Capture Kevin's eyebrows and deliver them to Lou Pearlman's office."
"That seems kind of harsh..?"
"Also, that word doesn't mean what you think it means."
Nick squirmed. "Can I go see Brian first for reasons?"
"What reasons?"
"Baby oil testing?"
"No. Drink this." Lance poured Nick a disgusting concoction and added a twist of lime. It bubbled ominously and Nick chugged it anyway.
"Delicious! Can I go see Brian now?"
Lance sighed. "Very well, provided you save some baby oil. Those eyebrows deserve to shine!"
"Yay!" Nick said, skipping away.
Meanwhile, Brian knew nothing, and was very surprised to see the octopus in his bedroom. He did enjoy sushi, though, he cooked sushi rice for Nick, distracted from his mission. Of course, it does not seem very smart to eat a random octopus, but Brian wasn't always the smartest crayon(4), but pretty does not need brains, as Howie often told himself, fondly fondling(4) his new hairbrush and ministering to his fellow boybanders.
Meanwhile, in Africa, Chris glared accusingly at the lion Joey wanted to adopt. Lion glared back, hungrily, licking its balls. Chris felt intimidated by the size of its open jaws as it yawned lazily and cuddled closer to JC.(5)
"He's had his shots," JC murmured into Chris's ear.
"So he won't eat us?"
"He might. Or just lick your lips seductively, like this." JC leaned in and licked Chris, who licked back enthusiastically, prying JC away from his lips, and pushed him down onto all fours. "Go, lion!"(6)
The lion side-eyed Chris and took off, having had enough of this unspeakable perversion. Joey, equally unnerved, decided to reassert his manliness. He took off his clothes, because why not be naked in the wilderness?
"Nothing I haven't seen before," said Justin, twirling his mustache. Joey disliked having his mustache molested so he told Justin to grow his own.
"Boo, Sugar Pie Honey Bunch," said Chris and started to tickle JC—well, he tried to, but Joey's nakedness distracted him. As did the lion, who was now licking Joey's balls.
Meanwhile(7), Brian felt sick, and Nick did his best to call for the Browless Boybander and his magic white potion. BB™ was lost to his band, distracted by his search for those elusive missing eyebrows. "Eyebrows assemble!" he yelled ultimately.
Far, far away he heard the echo of his call and leapt into action wildly, flapping his cape. Behind him, Lance tracked his progress on the satellite linked BrowCam screen, waiting for his plan to work. Out of some bushes, smiling evilly, rose a dark Knight with a flaming sword. Usher would have his revenge.
"Look out, BB!" Lance said into the BrowPhone. "Behind you!"
Startled by the BrowPhone, Kevin spun around, throwing up his BrowShield and fine-toothed BrowComb to deflect Usher's attack.
"Foiled again!" Thwarted, Usher vanished. Kevin instantly got back on the BrowPhone.
"Lance! How long until Brian's potionlessness causes permanent brain damage?!"
"Don't worry about Brian! I think Nick is trying to lead hinm towards the eel tank for nefarious purposes. He will be fine there."
"Are we having eel pie?"
"Not pie, no." Lance sighed.
"Where are my fucking eyebrows, I have important superhero biazzness to attend to," Brian(8) snapped.
"Superheroes don't have eyebrows, you dildo!" Kevin ejaculated, quite annoyed. "Just man up and fly."
"I HATE flying! I'll take the bus instead."
"Focus! Eels are the best way to get someone into smoking Saint."
"That shit'll fuck you up!"
"Everybody says that, but really, do boybanders need brain cells?"
"Well, NO, but that's—wait, where did Lance go?"
"To stop crime, I guess," he(9) said to his sidekick, Bro(10), who wielded his weapon, Creepy!Doll, that there were hot dudes to, like, fuck, and shit.
"I hope not Trevor, though," said Lanth, out of nowhere.
"Where did you come from?" asked the taller brunette man(11).
"If you stand around twitching…"
"I'm a superhero. It's what we do."
The green-eyed blond sent a withering glare in Bro's direction. Kevin, still looking at the BrowCom, suddenly exclaimed, "Oh, look, that must be my brows, Bro! To the Browmobile!" With a swirl of his shiny, sparkly cloak, he spun away to finally be carried into the night by Bro, his sidekick and bro…
The white potion AJ brought direct to to Brian from Dante's Cove restored Brian's lifeforce, and started(12) to sing "I'm dying NO MOOORE!" Everyone rejoiced and had sex. Finally.
The End
NB To be continued… in 2014
